Known Traditions

Often I find myself saying, "does that make sense?" during conversations. It's like I have to check in with others to feel connected. I want to be understood and accepted. Growing up we had 2 traditions, eat lots of food, the same food, every year on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Breakfast was always normal breakfast food and then a special fruit salad only made on that day. Those are great traditions but I am excited about creating new ones for my family that are about church friendships and community as well as blood relations. I informed my good friend that I was inviting myself FOREVER to watch 4th of July fireworks and Trick or Treat on Halloween with them and here is why. My kids love their kids. Sam and I love their parents. When we get together with all of the kids (six soon to be eight) it is crazy and fun and when my kids throw tantrums I don't feel like I have to apologize and when there is a poopy diaper we just change it and move on. It is riskier in the long run to try and grow friendships because when a bump comes along (as it inevitably will with friends,) I fear there is an option to cut and run. I get so afraid of rejection that I plan out a route to run super fast. With family I always feel they have to love me and can't leave. I get afraid friends will leave because there are no ties that bind. I am slowly learning that the kind of friends Sam and I have made in the past few years do come with ties and they bind. Underneath the fear, the humanness, we share a belief in Christ and it binds us. I want to be the kind of parent that raises my children to know Jesus and I need help to do that. I can’t do it in a vacuum. I can do it with friendships, with church, with our house-group and playgroups and lots of phone calls. So, even though I get afraid and sometimes don’t want to be known, it’s become a priority in my life to be known, however risky it may be.

-Greta Coalier