Parenting Page: Parenting Adults

As I was learning the lyrics to several songs for a fundraiser we were involved in recently I was somewhat undone. Some are so poignant and full of heartache that never gets healed.

I think back to the earlier days of being a mom and then I flash to the present and realize there is a condition that never goes away in motherhood. It is the condition of wanting your offspring to find a fulfilling life full of God’s goodness and free from as much pain and heartache as possible. And I definitely want them to be healed in this lifetime of any heartache they may experience
This just does not happen easily or in the way we envision it.
I have learned over a lot of time “in the field” that God’s best for my kids is more often gained through hardship and battles. This is often excruciating to watch as a mom. After all God gave us that nurturing, protective gene didn’t he?
I have wanted to fix it! I have wanted to fix them! I have wanted to stop the growing pains and the bad choice-making and re-direct their journeys. I want to advise them ahead of time so they don’t suffer any “unnecessary” results, steer them clear, help them see the light.God has answered on so many occasions a resounding “NO!” and I at times shake my fist at him.

I remember in 2003 when our youngest was preparing to go with Youth With A Mission in Perth, Australia. I realized after she flew out of St. Louis I forgot to be sure she had requested a window seat and an exit aisle with ample leg room for the crossing over the Pacific to Australia and then the flight from their east coast to their west coast. It drove me crazy that she might not travel well as she was getting over a sinus infection, and also what about thrombosis on such long flights?
As I lamented to a friend she gently said that, what was driving me crazy was that I didn’t take care of everything I wanted to as a mom and that maybe God had it under control. I was stunned by my need to control an adult child’s environment and more stunned that I hadn’t realized how strong that urge still was at this stage of our lives.

I have loved getting to know and do life with our three adult kids and their spouses. I have also had to be so very vigilant to let them live and breathe and have their being in whatever way and manner they choose and love them through it all.
I am undone by some of the pain and the suffering that each of them have endured over the years at the hands of others and because of poor decisions. I am also undone by the relentless love of their God and the growth of each of them in their own walk and relationship with a God who is way more vigilant and protective than I could ever hope to be.

So, I just got off the phone with the earlier mentioned YWAM daughter who was fighting a long-term sinus illness and was thinking, as she talked, that she should check in with a doctor about this lingering cold. Then, near the end of the conversation she said that, by the way, she was planning on calling her doctor if she wasn’t better in the next day or two. Oh yeah, this is the daughter who on the other side of the world from me with no phone connections to mama, managed being incredibly ill a couple of weeks in Thailand and India, not to mention several other “close call” scenarios, as well as running out of money. When will I ever learn? Hmmm, I think that Van Morrison wrote a great song with those lyrics.

Marsha Lang