Dirty Little Secrets

It's been one week of summer at the janous household and I can already tell it's going to be a long one. The thing I hate the most is that I always swore I would never be a mom that dreaded summers. But, one of the things motherhood has taught me is how to eat the many words I said before I was a mom.

That is one of the reasons I love my new book: I Was A Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids. In my last post I talked about my fast from parenting how-to books which is one of the things I love about this book. Distancing itself from the how-to's, this book does a fantastic job of bringing to light what all of us struggle with as parents. The authors are two moms who became friends when their children were born and they found motherhood to be more overwhelming than they'd expected. Author Amy Nobile says, "I didn't feel I had permission to talk abotu how hard motherhood really was." This started a quest to discover if other moms were going through the same thing. This book was born out of their conversations with hundreds of women.

I found out about this book on a show Oprah did about mothers. The show was full of mothers confessing their "dirty little secrets." These secrets from moms are scattered throughout the book too. The show was hilarious and if you have five minutes, it's worth taking a look at.

The authors spoke on the show about the process of interviewing mothers and how difficult it was to get women to open up with what they really felt about motherhood. "We feel like we don't have permission to admit that it's really hard, so we're all walking around with these smiles on our faces, but really we feel alone," Amy says.

I think this statement speaks volumes to any woman, but it needs to speak especially to those of us in the church. If we are truly seeking our identity in Christ, not in who we are as mothers or how we feel about motherhood, then we should have the freedom to be honest. More than any other community, the church should feel like the place where your motherhood is not under examination, your individuality is appreciated, and you are free from fear of failure.

Do we have that type of community at Riverside? Has that been your experience? Before we start a dialogue on this I encourage you to ask yourself in what ways you've helped or hurt an atmosphere of honesty. I know I've been humbled through the years and still have some more humility to learn. God is breaking me of the need to have it together and appear "in control" of my children. I am convicted that just by living like I need to have it together in front of other moms creates an atmosphere that makes other feel like they have to as well. I commit to you, my community of moms at Riverside, to try to live more honestly in front of you and at home.

In the spirit of honesty here are just five of my "dirty little secrets";

1. On a good week my children get two baths. Many times we are lucky to get one in a week.
2. I didn't start brushing Tyler's teeth until he was three and even now it's sporadic at best.
3. I've bleached my two-year old son's facial hair.
4. I yell at my children way too much and in ways that would completely mortify me if anyone heard me.
5. I don't like motherhood as much as I thought I would.

- Kim Janous