Expectations

I so struggle with expectations. As a mother, a wife, a friend and a human being, it is impossible not to.

I have very high expectations of myself. I can let expectations dictate my life. I worry if I am doing enough with my boys. I question my motives as to how I mother them and they cause me to pass unfair judgements on my day. I have what I think are reasonable expectations for my day; including, but not limited to: Getting up earlier than the kids. Spending some quality time with God. Planning the perfect projects for my kids. Working on a creative project of my own. Spending quality time with each of my three boys each day. Keeping the house in a perpetual sense of order. Serving three square meals with impeccable detail to nutrition. The list goes on.

Without a doubt, I fail.

What's unfortunate is, I find it next to impossible to watch TV, surf the internet, read a magazine, or chat on the phone, without having new expectations thrust upon me, and old ones reinforced.

There are those that come from society: You must stay at home with your kids. You must be an amazing multi-tasker. You must lose your baby weight quickly. Your kids reflect your works, they must be clean, well-behaved, and hit every milestone at the correct time.

Those that come from family: You must achieve, or surpass, the level of supermom your mom obtained (or you perceived her to have), or, conversely, you strive to avoid her example at all possible costs. You must sit and ponder the expectations family members pass on to you.

And those that come from friends: You must always personify the expectations you think your friends have of you.

And it's not that any of the sources are purposely trying to drive me insane, at least not individually, but they are there, they are ever-present, and I let them scratch and claw their way in on a regular basis.

The problem with holding so firmly to the expectations I have for myself are two-fold. First is guilt. When I do not live up to these self-imposed expectations, I feel guilty. All of the could-haves and should-haves hold me captive with guilt. It is such a powerful tool the enemy can use to keep me down. However, this is not how it was meant to be. Christ came so that I may have life, and have it to the fullest (John 10:10). So, then, how does guilt fit in to that picture? It doesn't. God didn't invent "mom-guilt".

Second is losing site of God and His expectations of me when I keep my eyes fixed on the expectations of everyone else and those I've created for myself. This is not a pretty place for me to dwell. So what does God expect of me as a mother/parent? 1 Corinthians 1:30-31 says, "It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God–that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: 'Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.'"

So, all the expectation He has for me, it is not my deeds, nor my own expectations, or those of others, but Christ in me. Christ alone makes me acceptable. All I have to do is live in His acceptance of me.  I need to focus my eyes on Him and not on the expectations of others.  To try and be the hands and feet of Christ to my boys.  He wants my actions and words to reflect those of Him alone.

When put that way, it seems simpler. Yeah, there are many days that I am hardly a picture of Christ to our boys, but I have to say, it is more of a relief to live in His acceptance than to put on my SuperMom cape with all it's expectations.

– jill