Parenting Stories (Part 2)

When Matt asked me to write about parenting, my thoughts went in fifty directions. As the mom of three very different children, ages 17, 20, and 23, I have lots of material to choose from. Teenagers can be very challenging and, for a period of time, that was the understatement of the year around here. But God is amazing in how he walked us through each day, picking up the pieces of our mistakes and showing us in every situation how much he loves our children.

Ken and I would try so hard to make the right decisions for our kids. But even after prayer, searching, and many long nights of discussion we would often not get it right. And then God, in his loving, “I have plenty of grace for you” way, would show us what we were really supposed to do. When my daughter Laura was getting ready to finish high school, we visited 12 colleges. I’m not kidding! I almost had to take out a student loan to pay for the gas! But finally we made a decision and she enrolled at Hannibal LaGrange, a nice little Christian College not too far away. She called me almost every day and tried to sound cheerful, but I could tell how totally homesick she was. And, after the second visit there, I knew she was miserable and depressed. So we brought her home at semester break, she enrolled at Meramec, and like magic she turned back into her happy self. She had been living here at home for 17 months and it is very evident that she needs to be here. She still needs us and, in many ways, we still need her. We have a precious relationship.
Not many years earlier I would have told Laura she needed to “stick it out,” because it was a good college and she needed to be where she could totally focus on her studying. But children need so much more than “what is best for them.” They need to be loved for who they are, even if that is fragile and broken. Maybe that is what I need too. At Riverside we talk a lot about what it means to be human in light of the humanity of Jesus. I think the correlation is simple in this case – My kids need me to accept them without any expectations. That doesn’t mean that is all there is to parenting, but it means I need to love them without any expectations. After 3 kids and 23 years of parenting I am finally figuring that out!

-Carolyn Knarr