Parenting Stories

-On a good week Wednesday will be the day we engage what it means to be a parent and believe the Gospel. Today's post is by Greta Coalier.

When my first daughter, Sadie was a few months old we were invited to my friend’s house for coffee. Her son was the same age as Sadie and I remember gazing adoringly at our sweet babies while sipping coffee and chatting. Somehow in conversation the nature of sin came up and how our babies were wired for it already. I thought to myself maybe your baby is full of sin but my baby is perfect and wonderful and pure as the driven snow. I mean, what does it even mean to be "wired for sin"? You may have guessed by now that I am still on the bunny slope of this Christian path. Maybe a year and a half later as I was learning more and more about Jesus and falling head over heels for him, Sadie, my sweet innocent baby looked straight at me and told me her first lie. Sam or I had not taught her how to lie. We did not model that behavior or read books about it. My sweet girl figured it out all on her own and I realized the truth of my friend’s words. From that moment on I understood on a whole other level my intense need for Jesus.

I forgave Sadie that day, before she had even finished her tantrum. We are built from the ground up needing and wanting and manipulating to get what we want, and as a parent sometimes all I can do is forgive. But here is the rub; I fight God all the time. I think my plans, my parenting; my control is enough for my kids. Sadie is going to start kindergarten in the fall and I spend nights awake, full of fear thinking I have made the wrong choice, she needs a different school, a better school, I haven’t done enough research. And, I still have oceans of parenting in front of me!

I can feel the love I have for my children like an ache because it is so vast and sometimes frightening. It makes the love of Jesus that much more difficult to understand in its depth and richness. As a parent I am still trying to get off the bunny slope. I forget to pray, I forget to let things go, I frantically try and control but I know God forgives me and that he is with me. God is parenting my children with me, I am not alone. That sounds simple, but it is profoundly comforting.

About a year ago Sam and I decided that he would get a vasectomy. I felt sure that three girls was my limit! At the time we said things like, “ if God really wants us to have a forth child he can make it happen regardless of this surgery.” However we didn’t really believe that! It just sounded good saying it; like we were sure God was on board with our decision. So yes, we are pregnant with our forth child, on the bunny slope. We are unsure and frightened. But, we still believe we are not alone in our parenting.

-Greta Coalier